I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
