We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
My vagina just recognized that song.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
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