I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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