Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
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