Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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