The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
