she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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