she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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