you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
