Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
