i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
