In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
