Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
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