It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
