so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
