I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
