dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
