oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
