You work out of a Hotel?
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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