I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
