I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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