why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
