Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
