i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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