i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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