Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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