oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
