No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
