the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
