My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
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