I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
