If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
