So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
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