Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize