why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize