Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
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