alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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