Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Randomize
