you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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