Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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