You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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