just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Randomize
