You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
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