I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
