grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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