Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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