I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
