but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize