You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
