Your face is a jimmy john
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
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