its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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