Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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