I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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