I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Randomize
