Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
