By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
