I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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