btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
