She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
