i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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