1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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