Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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