i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
