I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
