He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
