You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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