My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Randomize
