I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
