How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Randomize
