I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Randomize
