That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
